Research I read – and then spent the next decade
beating into my young daughter’s head –
said that somewhere
between 8 and 10 years old
girls go from
confidently expressing their opinion:
“I want pepperoni pizza!”
to neutralizing their opinion:
“I don’t care”
to completely giving away their power:
“whatever you want”.
Even with this knowledge,
I continue to perfect this in
subtle and not-so-subtle ways.
As soon as I give in to
“whatever you want”
the ticking time bomb of
resentment and self loathing begins.
Then it’s just a matter of time before
I explode
and you get the metaphorical
pizza shoved in your face.
When we give away our power
it’s an act of self-betrayal.
This pattern can be difficult to break
as the groves quickly deepen
and we go unconscious
in our need/desire to be
loved
accommodating
loved
laid back
loved
As a former boss was fond of saying:
bother to have an opinion.
Ouch.
And I will add
bother to have an opinion
and a preference.
Voice it.
Retrain yourself to
start sentences with
“I want…”
“I prefer…”
Use your words and
you may be surprised to find
you get the pizza you want…
and then some.
P.S. Do not order pizza with Tessa. You will lose. Unless you are Ben. Then we will all (happily) have sushi.
