The Fine Art of Self-Betrayal

Research I read – and then spent the next decade

beating into my young daughter’s head –

said that somewhere

between 8 and 10 years old

girls go from

confidently expressing their opinion:

“I want pepperoni pizza!”

to neutralizing their opinion:

“I don’t care”

to completely giving away their power:

“whatever you want”.

Even with this knowledge,

I continue to perfect this in

subtle and not-so-subtle ways.

As soon as I give in to

“whatever you want”

the ticking time bomb of

resentment and self loathing begins.

Then it’s just a matter of time before

I explode

and you get the metaphorical

pizza shoved in your face.

When we give away our power

it’s an act of self-betrayal.

This pattern can be difficult to break

as the groves quickly deepen

and we go unconscious

in our need/desire to be




laid back


As a former boss was fond of saying:

bother to have an opinion.


And I will add

bother to have an opinion

and a preference.

Voice it.

Retrain yourself to

start sentences with

“I want…”

“I prefer…”

Use your words and

you may be surprised to find

you get the pizza you want…

and then some.


P.S. Do not order pizza with Tessa. You will lose. Unless you are Ben. Then we will all (happily) have sushi.

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