Chasing the Elusive “for sure”

Change can be hard.
If my clients’ lives and careers
are any indication,
the longer you’ve been at a job
or a relationship or holding onto
any self-limiting belief,
the harder it is to shake.
It’s said the opposite of love isn’t hate
but indifference.
This pandemic has given everyone
the opportunity to challenge indifference.
Indifference that results in
days that turn into months
by decisions made or not made
from indifference and
fear of the unknown.
If I could just know for sure,
my clients say
(To be fair, I’ve breathed
the same desperate words to my coach).
Another gift of the pandemic:
if you thought you knew how this year was going,
The first step isn’t knowing what’s next;
it’s knowing not this.
Not this job.
Not this relationship.
Not this fear.
It’s knowing not this
and then getting curious about the possibilities.
“What’s next” is a mystery to be solved again and again,
each time with
new learnings, new data and new dreams.
Years ago, a man I was dating exclaimed:
“You’re never satisfied!”
Thank you, I said,
only later realizing it wasn’t meant as a compliment,
while whispering to myself not this
and moving on.

In Fiction There is Truth

“Afraid to appear selfish, we lose our self”