“Oh No, I Forgot to Get Married (Again)!”

A decade ago I wrote a blog post
cheekily titled “This is Why You Don’t Kill Yourself”
about the unexpected joy of an evening spent alone
with good take-out and a bad movie.
(if you’re wondering: Thai and Twilight).
I spend a lot of time alone.
I work alone; I live alone.
At times, it’s lonely.
During the shelter in place of COVID-19
I first remarked how little my life changed.
As days turned into weeks,
I noticed a shift
from alone to lonely.
I keep thinking of the Lichtenstein-style illustrations
with a woman exclaiming:
“Oh No, I forgot to have a baby!”
Except mine would say:
“Oh No, I forgot to get married (again)!”
I’ve been single most of my adult life.
A fact that alternately baffles and disappoints me.
I assure you it’s not for lack of trying.
There is the loss of companionship, for sure.
More profoundly is the
weight of making every decision
and creating my own joy.
Children help. A lot.
But some decisions seem too hard for one person to make
and some life events are no fun to do alone.
Sending kids to college, relocating and
oh, I don’t know,
a global pandemic.