What’s Your Role In This?

There’s a good chance you already
know this about me:
I spend a lot of time in
coffee shops.
If you ask my kids,
they’re tell you I spend a
lot of time in coffee shops
Eavesdropping and gawking.
(gawking, mom, you’re gawking again)
I can’t help it; I’m curious.
What I mostly overhear
is highly emotional re-telling of
someone-done-me-wrong stories.
You know the kind, one person is
glassy-eyed & uh-huhing
while the other is
shouting and spitting some variation on
Then he said, then I go,
Then he goes, then I go,
Then, he goes…
I know this because I do it myself.
My clients bring me versions of this,
as well.
The only difference is, in coaching,
I cut short the story.
Often with the sobering question
I have come to love:
“What’s your role in this?”
Taking ownership over your part of any
conflict can be difficult,
especially when that victim place is so comfortable
and, for some, so familiar.
Owning your part of the self-deception,
the lie you’re telling yourself, is the
cornerstone of the work of
The Arbinger Institute
(arbinger.com).
Good stuff if you suspect you’re
holding on tight to your own
someone-done-me-wrong story.

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